


Wedding Crashers

by Araine



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Nobility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 12:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8579089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Araine/pseuds/Araine
Summary: Vex crashes the wrong wedding. The best man takes it... well?





	

Vex’ahlia’s father really, really should have known better than to expressly forbid her to come to his colleague’s wedding. Of course the man hardly knew his eldest children at all, so it wasn’t all that surprising. The irony of the situation was that under normal circumstances she wouldn’t have bothered to show up– she found her father’s colleagues tedious and condescending on the whole.

That didn’t put her above pettiness, though.

(Especially with the added incentive of Garmelie offering her and her brother, well- a lot of money to crash the wedding. Vex didn’t trust the shady guy as far as she could throw him - admittedly, considering his stature, quite far - but hey, another chance to piss off good ol’ dad.)

Pulling up the place looked exactly like the sort of place where one of her father’s colleague’s would get married. Everything from the marble colonnades to the well-tended hedges had an air of exclusivity about it.

“I don’t see dad’s car,” Vax commented from the driver’s seat as he pulled up to the curb. “Maybe he’s not here.”

“There’s no way he’d miss something like this,” Vex said, rolling her eyes. Their father had an uncanny knack for gladhanding with people richer and of better status than him.

“It doesn’t matter if he’s there or not,” Garmelie said from the back seat. Vex, glancing over her shoulder, saw the curly-haired man crossing his arms and looking furtively at the building. “I just need enough of a distraction to get inside.”

Vex traded a look with her brother that spoke volumes. Neither of them trusted Garmelie, even if they kind of liked him in a sort of twisted way.

“Well then,” Vex said, and she arranged her hair and adjusted her dress so that everything was perfect. Even if she was crashing the wedding, no reason to show up looking shabby. “Might as well get on with it.”

She got out of the car, threw a last wink to Garmelie and Vax, and strode inside.

The door to the chapel slammed open with a satisfactory bang, and suddenly hundreds of eyes were on Vex, including those of the bride in her white dress and the groom in his dress uniform. This was expected.

What was not expected was that she did not recognize a single face.

“Oh,” Vex said, suddenly feeling faint. “Balls.”

–

Percy had been having a most miserable day.

That was entirely unfair, and he knew it. It wasn’t every day that his eldest brother got married, and he was happy for Julius, really. His brother’s fiancee was a quite lovely if incredibly boring woman, and she suited Julius perfectly. He just wasn’t used to, well– crowds, and press, and the whole rigamarole that was expected when a future earl got married.

Since he had awoken to Cassandra pouncing on his bed to this very moment, standing up at the front of the chapel with Julius, Percy had not had so much as a moment to himself.

Percy had expected everything, of course. His mother had hammered out the details of the day down to the second, and had made sure her children knew exactly what to expect. The feat was impressive considering there were seven of them.

He did not, however, expect the officiant’s sermon to be interrupted by a loud bang.

Percy’s first thoughts went to an explosion, simply because around him loud and unexpected noises tended to be explosions. When he turned and looked, however, he saw only a woman standing at the door of the chapel.

“Oh, balls,” she said clearly in the hush that had fallen over the chapel.

Whispers filled the space, as scandalized society matrons and mannerly gentlemen wondered at the advent of this new and unexpected guest. Several cameras clicked. No doubt this would be a choice story for the society pages tomorrow morning. Percy looked to Julius, and nodded. A silent, I’ll handle this. It seemed implied in his duties as best man. He fished in his pocket for the ring, handed it off to Oliver.

“Excuse me,” Percy said, and he walked briskly back down the aisle and directly towards their apparent wedding crasher.

She was quite beautiful now that Percy had a good look at her, with her lovely heart-shaped face and full lips, her fall of dark hair accenting the midnight blue cocktail dress which she filled out entirely too well. Of course, eyeing their mislaid guest was probably crass. Unless he wanted to ask for her number seconds before throwing her out.

The thought didn’t actually stop Percy from looking, but he did attempt to not be obvious about it.

“Hi,” Percy said, reaching the end of the aisle just as the officiant resumed his speechifying.

“Hi,” the woman said, raising one elegant eyebrow at him.

“Shall we talk outside?”

–

The private garden where the best man led Vex was lovely, dominated by elegant water features and flowering hedges and a delicately carved gazebo where she should probably be sitting the explain herself. The best man was sitting, and looking up at her through his spectacles.

Instead, Vex was pacing.

“That little shit,” she muttered to herself. “That little– little shit! Uuuugh!”

Vex reached into her cleavage where she had stored her phone - nature’s pocket! - and texted Vax.

_garmelie played us! or sent us to wrong wedding!!!!!_

“I’m sorry,” the best man said, in the most aristocratic accent Vex had ever heard outside of television, “but who exactly are you calling a little shit?”

The swear, somehow, sounded even better in that posh accent.

“Just, this guy I know,” Vex said, determining that it wouldn’t be a good idea to tell the best man that she was supposed to distract the wedding party so that this shady character she knew could slip in and do– something. That she didn’t know what. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t actually aiming to crash your friend’s wedding–”

“My brother’s, actually,” the best man said. “But go on.”

“Brother’s, sorry,” Vex corrected. “You see, one of my father’s work colleagues was supposed to get married today, and I meant to crash that wedding, only I seem to have got– a bit mixed up.”

The best man blinked at her with the bluest eyes Vex had ever seen. “Sorry– you meant to crash a wedding, just not this specific wedding?”

Vex nodded, feeling foolish. “That’s about the size of it, yes,” she said.

Again, those blue eyes were on her. Vex felt herself flushing at the look in those eyes, the discerning way he seemed to look right into her heart. Of course that was silly. Or maybe she was just flustered because he was quite dashing, dressed as he was in a suit and tie.

“You must not like your dad much then,” the best man said at last. “If it was his colleague’s wedding you meant to crash.”

“Yeah, he’s a real asshole,” Vex said. “Which is why I should probably be going, now, to the actual wedding. Tell your brother I’m sorry, and I hope he has a lovely marriage and– and life, I guess.”

Vex felt pinned to the spot by those piercing blue eyes. The air in the gazebo had grown close and quiet with an unseen tension. Her skin prickled deliciously.

“I will,” said the best man. “I– before you go. What’s your name?”

“Vex,” she said, and to cut the tension she winked. “Vex’ahlia.”

“Percival Fredrickstein von Mussel Klossowski de Rolo III.” The best man held out his hand to shake.

Vex blinked, shook his hand absently. “That’s a mouthful,” she said.

“It’s a family tradition,” he said. “You can call me Percy though if it suits your fancy.”

“Percy’s much easier,” Vex said, grinning flirtatiously at him again. “Definitely more approachable, that’s for sure.”

“That’s the benefit of such a ridiculous name,” Percy said. “Gets rid of unwanted company.”

Vex actually laughed. He did have a sense of humor, if a dry and sarcastic one. She’d begun to think he was some kind of snob which would be unfortunate in a man this attractive. Whatever witty/flirtatious reply Vex might have made was interrupted by Vax texting back: _shit garmelie’s gone!_

Guilt twisted in Vex’s gut. She’d been hoping that Garmelie had just gotten the address wrong, but– she was more and more certain he’d tricked her and her brother. And if Percy was representative of the people at this wedding– well, they certainly weren’t assholes.

“Look, Percy,” she said, not meeting his eyes. “I kind of maybe lied to you a little bit at the start of this conversation. I didn’t just mean to crash the wedding because my dad’s an asshole, it’s a little more complicated than that.”

Percy, to his credit, listened to Vex’s explanation quietly and with a thoughtful expression on his face. She wasn’t sure that she could cop to her wrongdoing otherwise, not to a complete stranger whose brother's’ wedding she had just ruined.

“So, anyways, Vax doesn’t know where he is, and neither of us have any idea what he’s up to,” Vex finished, and she spread her hands wide in a gesture of helplessness.

“Well,” Percy said at last. “That’s certainly troubling.” He grinned at her. “But I think if we’re very clever, this is all salvageable.”

–

First problem: Vex had apparently come to his brother’s wedding with a “shady character”, one inveterate thief and illustrator of lewd pictures known as Garmelie whose motives were unknown.

Second problem: Vex had not outright stated but rather implied that she was in some sort of debt to Garmelie, who seemed to have pounced upon opportune circumstances for his own personal gain.

Third problem: If Percy didn’t do something quickly, Vex was going to end up a full page story in the society pages as the woman who had crashed a future earl’s wedding, a result Percy found distasteful for a number of reasons.

Percy had no idea how to fix the second problem, but the first and third at least had an easy enough solution at hand.

She was at least dressed appropriately. (Well, maybe somewhat less than appropriately with that level of cleavage, but Percy couldn’t find it in himself to regret that at the moment.) And she hadn’t said anything damning to anyone but Percy himself, which was fortunate.

“How do you feel about dancing?” Percy asked.

Vex raised an eyebrow at him. “Dancing?” she asked. “I like it just fine, why do you ask?”

“Excellent,” Percy said, grinning at her. He should not be so absurdly grateful to this woman for introducing such complications into his life, but this little taste of conspiratorial thrill had livened up his day considerably. “Here’s my thought,” he said. “When we go into the reception you’re my date who unfortunately got the time of the ceremony wrong. The society reporters will print a little paragraph about it tomorrow morning and then that will be that–”

“I’m sorry,” Vex interrupted. “Society reporters?”

Percy sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose right where his glasses met flesh, reminded again of the absurdity of his life. “Yes, they’re to be expected when the son of an earl gets married, unfortunately.”

“Son of an earl?” Vex asked, incredulous.

Percy winced. “Yes,” he said. “Did I not mention that?”

“You definitely didn’t.”

“So does that mean you’re going to be an earl someday?” Vex asked, peering at him. “That’s how these things work, right?”

Percy shuddered. “I certainly hope not,” he said. “I’m content to be the layabout son leeching off his parents money.”

Vex frowned at him. “Oh, I don’t believe that,” she said. Heat prickled all through Percy’s skin at her discerning gaze, how easily she had sifted through his carefully constructed irony. It was disconcerting and somehow–

Nice.

“Right, well, we’ll go into the reception together. Whenever you see this Garmelie character you’ll point him out to me, I’ll have a chat with him and figure out what he wants, and we’ll get all this sorted out.”

“And if he doesn’t come into the reception?” Vex asked.

“Any place like this has plenty of security,” Percy said. “You said your brother’s around here somewhere, right? If we put the security on high alert at some point he’ll want to make a getaway, and if we coordinate with your brother we can put him in the right spot.”

“My,” Vex said, in that tone of voice that made Percy feel flush all over, as she glanced at him sideways, “you seem to have everything figured out, don’t you?”

“Oh, I’m sure this will go horribly wrong,” Percy said, cheerfully. “But considering things were going horribly right up until you showed up, I consider it on the whole an improvement.”

–

Vex might have joked to her brother that she was dining with the family of an earl in an exaggerated mockery of the posh accents she now heard all around her. Instead, through some strange turn of events, this was her reality. Percy had explained her dramatic appearance away admirably with his quick and clever story, and now Vex was sitting in a vaulted ballroom eating haute cuisine served with silver cutlery and spinning tales of how she had met Percy from thin air, and honestly she was having the time of her life.

She still couldn’t believe that she’d agreed to be Percy’s date for the rest of the wedding. Not that he was a bad date. That crisp suit worked way too well with his general uptight hipster aesthetic, and being smart and dryly funny wasn’t hurting either.

She almost felt bad for making Vax sit out in a stuffy car to wait for treacherous Garmelie.

Vex promised herself that she would make it up to him by telling him the whole story later, and set about memorizing details to recount to him and the rest of their friends.

She kept an eye out in the crowd for her treacherous friend, but saw neither hide nor hare of the man responsible for her being here.

“You know, I’m surprised Percy brought a date,” commented one of his sisters. The youngest one, Vex thought, though she was having trouble telling the whole brood apart. “I didn’t know he had a girlfriend.”

“Er…” Vex said.

“I didn’t know Percy had friends,” said one of the younger brothers.

“Except Keyleth,” said the same sister who had been speaking. Clarissa? Cassandra? “She’s as weird as he is, though.”

“And that’s quite enough out of all of you,” Percy said primly. “Vex, would you like to dance?”

He gave her a significant look over the rims of his spectacles. Vex, upon seeing it, remembered their plan.

“Sure,” she said, grinning cheekily. “Lead the way, Lord de Rolo.”

Percy winced, and together he and Vex retreated to the ballroom floor, chased by a crescendo of giggles from his siblings.

“Bunch of irritating busibodies,” Percy muttered so that only Vex could hear.

“I think they love you,” Vex said. It was strange, to be among a family that so clearly cared for one another, even if it was in their own weird stuffy and aristocratic way. She was almost jealous but then, she had Vax and Trinket and that was family enough for her.

“Oh, they do,” Percy said. “It doesn’t stop them from being incredibly annoying though.” He held out his hands to Vex, indicating where she should put her own. “Shall we?”

Vex stepped into the dance, and was immediately both grateful and annoyed that she was grateful that her father had taken over his children’s education when they were fourteen, because it meant that she could do a creditable waltz. Percy for his part was excellent, never missing a step, and Vex let him compensate for her shortcomings by leading.

“You’re really good at this,” Vex remarked.

Percy grinned down at her as he initiated a turn in the dance. “Lots of practice,” he explained. “If you hadn’t showed up I would probably doing this exact thing with Vesper or Whitney or one of mother’s friends.”

“A horrible fate you seem positively desperate to avoid,” Vex said, teasing. She let Percy spin her about, letting the room go wildly dizzy.

“I don’t do well with– crowds,” Percy explained. “People really.”

“Really?” Vex said, looking at him. He didn’t look uncomfortable. “You seem to be doing perfectly fine to me, darling.”

She didn’t miss the flush that crept up Percy’s collar at the endearment. “It’s an acquired skill,” Percy said. “Like the dancing. Don’t mistake lots of practice for any innate ease.”

“No, I’d never mistake your for sociable,” Vex said. “Not after you invited a complete stranger to be your date for the evening.”

Percy’s hand on Vex’s back drew her unconsciously closer. She could feel the heat radiating off of him, a physical presence that warmed her straight through her body. “It’s astounding,” Percy said. “I don’t feel at all out of sorts with you.”

Again, the blueness of his eyes struck her so powerfully that Vex could hardly breathe. She faltered, missed a step in the waltz. For a moment the only thing keeping her from toppling was Percy’s arm around her waist.

“Sorry,” Vex said, though her head was still spinning. She regained her smile, looking up into his concerned gaze. “I’m happy I could make the day less of an ordeal for you, then.” She raised her eyebrows at him. “And for the free food and fancy expensive wine which was excellent by the way.”

“Glad to hear it,” Percy said. “And if you ever feel you’re in need of more, well–”

Vex laughed softly. “Are you asking me out on a second date, Percival?”

It was adorable the way he flushed and wouldn’t quite look her in the eye. “I– well–”

“I’ll give you my number after this,” Vex said. “And we can set something up.”

She was rewarded with a soft, shy smile that made her stomach flip over. Oh dear, Vex thought. He’s cute when he smiles.

“That sounds– very agreeable,” Percy said.

A tap on Vex’s shoulder interrupted their dance. Percy stopped, and Vex turned out of his embrace to see the groom. Julius, Percy had said his name was.

“May I cut in?”

Percy raised his eyebrow at Vex, clearly giving her the option to refuse if she wanted to. Vex looked at him, shrugged. “Sure,” she said to Julius.

She resumed the waltz with Percy’s brother. Proficiency at dancing did seem to be a family trait, as Julius turned out to be an excellent partner. From the sidelines of the dance floor Vex caught glimpses of Percy watching.

“I’m sorry for showing up like I did,” Vex said to Julius. “I hope I didn’t ruin your big day.”

Julius grinned. “It was a minor inconvenience,” he said. “And left one of the bridesmaids unpartnered. People will talk I’m sure, but I’m happier to see my brother happy.”

Vex raised her eyebrows. “Oh?” she asked.

“Would you believe that Percy’s never introduced a girlfriend to the family?” Julius asked. “I’m sure he’s had a few but he’s always been– very private, very closed off. Locked away with his books and inventions most of the time.”

Vex glanced over Julius’ shoulder at Percy, who was now speaking to his mother. She felt distinctly uncomfortable deceiving his family like this. “I didn’t realize,” she said.

“He seems very comfortable with you,” Julius said.

There behind Percy, was a familiar head of reddish hair, tucked into the crowd. “Is he?” Vex asked, peering through the people to confirm her suspicion. Yep. She was right. “Sorry, Julius. Excuse me. I gotta–”

She broke away from Percy’s brother, charged straight through the crowd at Percy. He seemed startled to see her.

“Vex?” he asked, eyebrows raised high.

“Garmelie,” Vex explained, and began pulling him through the crowd towards the little sneak.

–

An hour later, Vex and Percy sat across from Garmelie and Vax in a small diner, looking very out of place in their formal wear. Vax was wearing a sour expression and kept his hand at Garmelie’s collar, ready to haul at it if he should try to escape again.

Percy was leaning over the table, chin on his hands and looking icily reasonable.

“Tell you what, Garmelie,” he said. “I’ll let you keep the hat and a program from the reception which I hope satisfies the letter of your deal with these two. In exchange, I won’t contact the authorities about your stealing. Does that sound fair?”

Garmelie hunched over the table, looking sheepish. “Astoundingly fair,” he said.

“Excellent,” Percy said. “Then you’ll let these two alone and not bother them.”

“Sure, of course,” Garmelie said.

“Excellent,” Percy said. “I’m sure you know what will happen if you do decide to go back on your word.”

“Or we could just drag him to a production of Cats,” Vax said.

Garmelie winced. “Absolutely not,” he said flatly.

“There’s always community theater,” Vex offered. “Shakespeare?”

Garmelie shrunk even lower into his chair. “Look, you bested me. I admit it. Can I go now?”

“Please do,” Vex said. Vax let go of Garmelie’s collar, and he jumped up out of the booth. “And next time– try lying a little less. It’ll go over better.” She waved him away with a twitch of her fingers, until he disappeared out the door in a jangling of bells.

“Well,” Percy said with a long sigh. “That went better than expected.”

“Yeah,” Vax said. “Question: who are you and how did you get involved in this exactly?”

“Oh,” Vex said. “Brother, this is Percy, the brother of the guy whose party I just crashed.”

Vax looked between the two of them, quite confused. “Right,” he said. “Do you want to maybe– come over for dinner sometime? You really helped us out with that so I feel kinda like I owe you.”

Vex felt her breath catch, wondering if he would refuse after their little adventure together. Instead Percy smiled and said, “Sure. That sounds lovely.”

“You can meet all of our friends,” Vex said. “Don’t worry, they’re all lovely people. And Trinket, you must meet Trinket.”

“Trinket?” Percy looked to her questioningly.

“He’ll just adore you,” Vex said. “I’m sure of it. He’s an excellent judge of character.”

“I’m sorry,” Percy said. “Is this a person?”

“It’s her dog,” Vax explained, much to Percy’s apparent befuddlement. Which only meant made Vex more eager to introduce him to her excellent puppy. Vax sighed and got up from the table. “Since neither of you have money on you it seems, I’m going to go pay for our coffees.”

“Thank you brother,” Vex called after him.

“I’ll have to pay you back,” Percy said. “For the coffee.”

Vex beamed. “You can do that later darling,” she said. “Which reminds me. I owe you a phone number.” A few minutes of searching revealed a pen which she used to write her cell number on a napkin, which she tucked in behind Percy’s pocket square. He watched Vex, blue eyes soft and wide under the fluorescent diner lights, as she adjusted it, and when she was done touched the tips of his fingers to the breast pocket of his suit.

“I’ll keep it safe,” Percy promised, his smile doing strange things to the beating of Vex’s heart.

At that moment Vax returned, one eyebrow raised at his twin. “We should probably get going,” he said to Vex. “And you should probably get back to you wedding.”

–

Several days later, Scanlan burst into Vex and Vax’s flat holding a rolled up newspaper. After struggling with Trinket nearly knocking him over (despite how much Scanlan tried to get the dog to leave him alone, he remained one of Trinket’s favorites) he came into the kitchen where Vex was helping Vax to cook dinner. She was quite excited. Percy had promised to come over later to join them, and he was bringing a friend.

“Vex,” he called. “Vex I’m hurt. Wounded emotionally, in my soul, at this betrayal.”

Vex, who could not recall what she had done that might cause such histrionics in Scanlan, said, “Well I’m very sorry Scanlan, for whatever I did.”

“You’re engaged, and you didn’t tell us,” Scanlan said. “Sorry’s not gonna cut it.”

Vex actually snorted. “Engaged,” she said. “Very funny Scanlan.”

“It says right here in the paper,” Scanlan said. “Engaged to the son of Earl de Rolo, Lord of Whitestone. They’ve got your picture and everything.”

Vex grabbed for the paper where sure enough there was a picture of her at the wedding, dancing with Percy, captioned Percival de Rolo dancing with fiancee. He’d said that there were society reporters at the wedding, but at the time Vex hadn’t thought much of them. Maybe she should have.

“Well shit,” Vex said.

**Author's Note:**

> Possibly to be continued, if I ever get my nonsense together.


End file.
